New Parents Need Wills

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Pamela S. Wynn

My neighbor is a new grandma. The baby is cute as button. The new parents are beaming with pride and love – and they are putting this baby at risk! Even before they bring the new baby home, it is a smart idea to make some formal plans “just in case.” New parents need wills so that in the event tragedy strikes, other people know what they wanted for their new child.

I am not usually alarmist about things like this, but you can check this out yourself. This is a true story and it could have been anyone’s family.

Brand New Baby Coming Home from the Hospital

Earlier this year, three year old big brother and the parents of a new baby girl were on the way home from the hospital. They stopped to visit some relatives on the way to grandma’s house. Unfortunately, they never arrived at grandma’s because they were killed in an auto collision. Only 40 hours old and the baby was an orphan with nobody authorized to care for her.

New Parents Need Wills or Emergency Court Hearings

The family had to file an emergency guardianship case so that the grandma could assume guardianship of the baby, who was not injured in the crash, because the young family had no planning documents. If only the parents had wills they could have appointed a guardian for their children and avoided the expense of an emergency case.

While divorcing parents are usually aware that documents like wills and life insurance beneficiaries need to be changed after divorce, young families and new parents need wills and other planning documents too. If someone in your family is expecting a baby and you are at a loss for baby gifts, consider paying for the new parents wills. We’d like to think that there is plenty of time to do it later, but that is not always the case. And that’s why new parents need wills.

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Managing Post Divorce Emotions in 5 Stages

Posted on April 21, 2012 by Pamela S. Wynn

I’ve often reminded you that divorce is a process that does not start or end with the court and final judgment. I was just talking to a former client who was surprised when she experienced a wave of post divorce emotions that felt like a rollercoaster.

My client made a typical mistake: she thought that once the physical separation happened and the final judgment was signed that she had dealt with all her post divorce emotions – until they popped back up several months after the divorce judgment was entered.

It happens. Healing from divorce is not a linear process – step one, step two, step three. You often move between several stages for many months. Here are the 5 stages for Continue reading →

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Divorce After-Care Plan

Posted on April 14, 2012 by Pamela S. Wynn

Divorce after-care planning came up in conversation this morning as a friend and I rehashed a case. Here’s the thing about divorce in Florida: judges have a ton of discretion if your case goes to trial. And you rarely get your “best day” in court. You don’t even get your best day at mediation all that often.

When you do not get what you think you “should” have received in your divorce, you have two choices:

  1. Complain about how you were wronged
  2. Put together a divorce “after-care plan”

As a social worker, clients always received an after-care plan. Attorneys don’t work that way, unless you have a collaborative divorce team. So that means that you will be on your own to develop your post-divorce after-care plan. Because, let’s face it, it is what it is. The decisions have been made. Now you need to move on with life.

What is A Post Divorce After-Care Plan?

In general, an after-care plan sets out the issues or problems to be addressed, a time frame for addressing them and the resources and methods for how they will be addressed, along with how to measure the success. Divorce after-care plans are no different. Make a list of the issues you now face, the resources you will use to address them, the time frames and how you will measure success.

Maybe your issue is not having enough money after the divorce and having to re-enter the workforce. With the change in how Florida child support is calculated and the reluctance of judges to allow anyone to stay at home with the children, even when daycare costs more than what is earned, it’s quite likely that you will be working after divorce. Even if you haven’t worked for a long time. What are the barriers to you becoming employed? How will you work around those barriers? How long will it take you? Answer these questions and you will have your own personalized post-divorce after-care plan.

Need Help Creating Your Post Divorce After-Care Plan?

You can visit my optimal living site for more information about working with me on your post divorce after-care plan. You can also listen to the recordings from the Divorced Parent Telesummit to get started. If you know other divorce coaches, check with them about developing your after care plan. My co-host of the Divorced Parent Telesummit is Shelley Grieser who is a Christian Divorce Coach if you want that special perspective incorporated into your divorce after care plan.

Divorce After-Care Plan Alternative

Divorce is a process that does not end with your final judgment. Recognizing this is an important part of the healing process after divorce. You need to move into action and make smart decisions after divorce. No matter whether you work on your own or with a professional, developing a post divorce after-care plan is a great first step. A divorce after-care plan will help you make better decisions and move into action.

Allow yourself time to grieve your relationship, but recognize that you cannot dwell on your losses. As soon as possible, move into an examination of the good and the bad from your marriage so that you can become a better person. And you won’t make the same mistakes twice either. Work through your feelings with a journal, a counselor or a divorce coach or support group. Letting go is essential if you want move on with your life.

Develop a written post divorce after-care plan when you are ready to move on and get ready to start the next chapter of your life. Remember, if you need help with you post divorce after care plan, contact me.

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3 Steps to Starting a Successful Divorce

Posted on March 6, 2012 by Pamela S. Wynn

What does “successful divorce” mean to you? It means different things to different people, but asking the question is very important when you are starting to think about divorce. That’s because there are many different ways to have a successful divorce.

3 Steps to a Successful Divorce

One of the best ways to end up with a successful divorce is to begin with the end in mind. After giving it much thought, here are the three steps I recommend to start a successful divorce process:

1. Decide HOW you want to divorce. You won’t be able to judge how successful your divorce was unless you begin with thinking about the “how.”  Since there are at least five different ways to get to a final judgment (litigation, collaboration, cooperation, do-it-yourself, mediation) this is the first step to consider.

2. Locate professionals who will support your definition of successful divorce. There are attorneys who will not advise those who choose a mediated or do-it-yourself divorce. Others are not trained in collaborative divorce. Still others consider themselves “pit bulls” or “sharks.” Hiring a pit bull will not support your decision to use the collaborative process, so it is not likely that you would have a successful divorce if you chose a professional who does not (or cannot) support your choice of how to divorce.

3. Develop a personal support system. Divorce is emotional, even if you are the spouse initiating the process. And that is key – divorce is a process, not an event. You are moving from a romantic partnership to a business relationship and that can be difficult when your emotions are on overdrive. Sometimes family and friends are not the best source of support, even when they are very well-meaning. That’s why the most successful divorce has a team of professionals, including divorce coaches or counselors.

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5 Florida Divorce Myths Debunked

Posted on February 17, 2012 by Pamela S. Wynn

Florida divorce myths – those stories you hear from your friends who have gone before you, or those well-meaning friends who have no idea that what they are telling you is untrue – can hurt you. Here are five Florida divorce myths – and the truth.

Florida Divorce Myths: #1 Stay in The House

If you move out of the house, nothing really changes. You really do not lose anything by leaving the house. The house will still be a marital asset and the mortgage will still be a marital liability if it was purchased during the marriage.  That means when the court is dividing your marital property, you will still be in the same position as you are if you move out.

Florida Divorce Myths: #2: Divorce is War

You and your spouse do not have to be “at war” You actually do not have to go to war with your spouse to get divorced. While our culture has created many jokes and movies about going to war with your spouse in a divorce, most people do not really feel this way. Resist the urge to bad-mouth and join in on the war rally cry. You’ll feel better when the divorce is done if you avoid this cultural cliche. Your kids will also feel better if you avoid the war mindset.

Florida Divorce Myths: #3 The Kids are Alright

The kids will get through the divorce, but may need some help. But getting through divorce is tough on children. And they will not necessarily automatically be fine during and after the divorce process. While you are going through the divorce process you may not notice all the changes your children are going through.  Be especially attentive to changes in children and their behavior and get professional help for them as soon as you see something may be different. And remember, the level conflict is the biggest predictor of how well your children will do, so avoid Myth #2.

Florida Divorce Myths: #4 You Don’t Need a Lawyer

Get the self-help packet and you will have everything you need to get divorced. While technically true, the problem with this myth is that you don’t know what you don’t know. If your situation is not “standard” the standard forms may not suit your case. I can safely say that in more than 25 years of representing people going through Florida divorces, I have never seen two divorces that are exactly the same.

Even if your situation is not complicated, it is always a good idea to have legal documents reviewed before you sign them. Divorce changes your legal rights. Be sure you understand exactly how your rights will change by having your documents reviewed by an attorney before you sign them.

Florida Divorce Myths: #5 Co-Parenting is Impossible

There’s a way to share co-parenting after a divorce. Again, this is a myth that damages your children. You don’t have to have any special qualities to co-parent your child after divorce. You just have to be willing to make decisions based on what is best for your children. Sharing the parenting duties is better for your kids and for you. The Divorce Parent Telesummit provides you practical tips on how to have a child-centered divorce and co-parent without conflict.

Contact me if you need assistance getting past these Florida divorce myths. If you have documents to review, I can assist you anywhere in Florida. My past and upcoming Divorced Parent Telesummit guests can also help so you don’t get caught up in Florida divorce myths.

 

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